I finally started working on my novel again. I don't know why it took me so long. I think it has something to do with the fact that I tend to be drawn towards the dark, moody, broody, intense types and letting them draw me into their world. My sense of suffocation at the end of my 2.5 year relationship with John was a sinking feeling that I had lost myself somewhere in the midst of coupledom, that I didn't do the things I loved because I was so intent on making things work out... but more than anything, I was afraid of leaving him behind in the dust. Even with Kamran, I found myself altogether too often at his house watching TV, something I never do on my own time, but because I wanted to spend time with him, that's what we did. He took me to nice restaurants, then we watched TV. And so I stopped doing the things that I like to do, that make it more bearable to live because of these guys. Not their faults, though, I should have been more adament about prioritizing my "me" time.

Being single has made me realize that I started being okay with not needing companionship (friend or otherwise) to do the things I like to do. And now, some of my most fulfilling times are the days I wake up at 6 am and head to the gym, or to the Farmer's Market, or to the cafe to do the crossword alone. And I started to enjoy my nights to myself when both roommates were gone and I could just sit at my desk and write with a cup of tea by my side. Moving to the new house with Sean and Lexi will help with the nights at home because with Elana moving to Adams Morgan, I'll no longer feel the need to avoid being home. At the same time, I have her to thank for getting me out of the house and doing things I probably would not otherwise do.

My thoughts are very scattered today. I don't think my body adjusted well to daylight savings, although I'll appreciate it when the weather gets a little sunnier, less rainy and a wee bit warmer and I can grill after work :).  I'm totally ga-ga over my new grill and I can't wait for spring to really kick in.