Narcissism:

Onigiriman's comment to my last entry regarding modesty is interesting, especially since blogging is a particularly narcissistic activity. I have always used private blogs (i.e. keep out, trespassers beware) because I tend to use writing as an outlet for those topics which I think are too controversial for everyday conversation (unless I'm sitting at my favorite coffeeshop which boasts an unusual number of intelligent people willing to talk about everything from Schopenhauer to the latest grunge band).

I tend to say the things that everyone thinks, but no one wants to say for fear of what others will think of them. Why have a public blog? Sure, you get thought-provoking discussion, insight, feedback... but you also make the assumption that your life and your thoughts are interesting and important enough to warrant all of that. Furthermore, although I don't think anyone would admit it, we are looking for acceptance and admiration for what we have to say. The same thing that drives people to perform in front of audiences drives people to have public blogs. At least that's my theory.

For example, let's take a parallel between dancing salsa and public blogs. When I know someone is watching me dance, I tend to pay attention to the little things when I dance more -- my technique improves, the styling with my arms and playfulness with my partner in general increases. When I know someone is going to read a blog entry (versus my own private blog), I tend to organize my thoughts more, throw in a few more multi-syllabic words or at least try to sound more intelligent. We all do it whether we want to admit it or not.

Even as I type now, I realize that I am making more of an effor than in my last entry when I thought no one was reading my Xanga entries anymore. Case in point.